It was bittersweet. And it came as a complete shock. Because I never expected to feel so sad after receiving our “home” from Europe, but there it was… rough, raw, painful emotions mixed with euphoric happiness. It didn’t take long for the low feeling to hit, but I pushed it away for hour upon hour until the movers left, the kids came and saw their rooms, and I laid down at night, exhausted but inexplicably awake. And then it hit with such a force that not even a tear could unleash such an ache in my heart.
I suppose in a way that having all our things meant that there was no longer a piece of us there and there was a finality to our life abroad that felt utterly devastating.
I have struggled for over a week to grieve silently and seriously considered never uttering a word to anyone, but I have oftentimes been accused of sugar coating life on this blog so I thought, well, now’s a great time to come clean. Leaving Copenhagen feels like I have lost my best friend and for weeks I have struggled to see beauty in the life that now surrounds me. I thought having my things would make it feel better, but there it is. Sadness. Loss. Grief. And an ache so deep in my chest that I want to pound on it just to make it stop for a second.
So, how can I tell you that I feel this sad but tell you with my next breath that I am excited about our future here, that I can’t stop thinking about launching my real estate business along with my photography and styling, and that every day I discover something new that fills with me anticipation?
A few nights before our shipment arrived my middle son, Parker, reached out his hand in the darkness after singing our nightly lullabies and said, “Mom, my home is where you are.” Only moments before I had apologized for making them sell so much of their stuff, uproot their lives, and move into an apartment temporarily rather than a house.
So, every time I start to feel sad, which I know is a normal part of making any move, whether it’s across the country or far, far away, I remember that my family is what makes a place feel like home. And that sense of family and of home is the one thing that matters the most in life. So, yes, I have to still face that we have left Copenhagen, but I am continually reminded that the most precious gift I have been given, this beautiful and lovely family of mine, is still with me. And I feel grateful in a way that words could never really express. I’m grateful for them. I am grateful for all the wonderful things we have experienced abroad, and even when it’s hard to close a door, I am filled with a rush of excitement for the upcoming adventures that await us.
And you know what? There’s still a whole apartment to decorate and I happen to love decorating! So, yeah, moving is hard and it’s sad sometimes, too. But! It’s time to start taking steps into a new future and starting next week I will be sharing more photos, more videos, and tons of tips for making the most of small and difficult spaces and tons of ways to save money without scrimping on style!